Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
