If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
