My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize