Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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