Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Two words: blizzard sex
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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