u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
