And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
