That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think i have two assholes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
