I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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