He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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