I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
