After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
