You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
