I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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