# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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