i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
