i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
