You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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