we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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