After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
