I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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