Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
