We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
