very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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