Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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