Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Girls should come with a carfax report
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are we still banned from the library?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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