I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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