I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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