You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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