call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
