party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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