He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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