Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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