I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
