Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
