Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
