I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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