Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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