Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
