stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
worst night to have a conscience
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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