I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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