It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
