No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
