i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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