Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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