Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
