Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
