Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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