I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
