When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
