Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
