Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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