You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
