You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
