u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He kissed a someone with a penis
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
