Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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