I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
