We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
