if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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