You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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