Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
