I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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