I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
