By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
