Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
