people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
