My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize