Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
