Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
