My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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